Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
