if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
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