Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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