I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
