how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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