i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
