: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
