1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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