6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
