32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
