just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
