I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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