i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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