do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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