Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
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Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
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Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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