What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I need to stop coming to work sober
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
