Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
