Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I came so hard my ears popped.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
