You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
