i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Randomize
