i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize