I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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