I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
