Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
