I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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