Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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