My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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