I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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