im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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