Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
you had me at cake vodka
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
