so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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