My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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