Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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