i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
