i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
