Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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