physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
