i just wanna soil my oats bro
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
