When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
