Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
