Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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