Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
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How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
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I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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