As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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