You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
