I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
