Got a toothbrush?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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