For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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