i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
