I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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