he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
