Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
