She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
