I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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