Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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