I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
