your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
