chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
