you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
