I have demons in me.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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