God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
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