He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I am mentally ready for anal.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
