im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
