dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I didn't notice because vodka
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
