what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
