tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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