I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You can't just leave with hair like that
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
