a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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