Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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